Bisexuality is not a sexual orientation. Virtually all bisexual men have a split attraction. Emotions go to women, sex goes to men. Such split of attraction creates dishonesty and betrayals for anyone who is involved in with a bisexual person. Their attraction has been cut in half to fit into a shamed and fragmented context of relatedness, which has been programmed by their parents, friends, experiences and lack of healthy interactions with gay men.
Many gay men want relationships, so why are they still single? Today, we will talk about why wanting a relationship means nothing unless it is backed by consistent and intentional action steps. Dating and relationships are not exempt from effort and sweat. So next time you tell yourself “I want a relationship”, check with yourself whether your action steps are aligned with an authentic intent of seeking love and a consistent effort to meet and connect with other gay men.
Gay Life Happens Inside Conflicts: The Importance Of Conflict, Arguments, Friction In Gay Relationships
In gay relationships, conflicts play a very important role. Through conflict, we actually get to know our lover, boyfriend better. Conflicts produce a deeper immersion into another person’s life and give an opportuity to see the side of another person’s personality that cannot be seen without prior conflict. Energetically, conflicts are a method of testing each other’s love and committment. Through conflict we develop deep trust and loyalty to one another. Without conflict, our relationships are shallow, meaningless and provide limited opportunity for intimacy.
Gay relationships have deeper benefits that go beyond companionships and sex. Our neurosis, rigidity, stubborness, bitterness can get polished out of our personalities when we are overcoming relationship challenges and dealing well with conflicts inside a relationship. While most people exit at the first sign of conflict or friction, the ones who stay and practice acceptance and letting go can see massive improvements in their general well being.
Acceptance is a powerful spiritual practice. When we accept other gay men as they are, we are training ourselves to accept our own insecurities, mistakes and baggage. When we reject another person, we are actually training ourselves to reject the parts of us that we don’t like.
Spiritual awakening for gay men is important because of the additional stresses we come across in relationships and in friendships. Our families are often ambivalent about our lives, so we need to stay “sane” and strong on our own. This is where spiritual practices come very helpful and powerful. With spirituality, we can fill our heart with the love that we need. By reconnecting to God, in whichever form he exists, we can receive ever-present love and connection that never goes away.
Amazing interview with Arnie Vargas who is a counselor and workshop facilitator for gay men. How do you choose who is good for you and why? How do you deal with top-bottom incompatibility? Why do some gay men project their own insecurities of “I am not good enough” into “he is not good enough for me”.