Do you sometimes feel that monogamy is very difficult to maintain? Wouldn’t it be easier if we all just decided that monogamy is overrated and occasional fling is acceptable? I think so.

Here is why:

1. Monogamy invites dishonesty.
If you give a guy an ultimatum -> stay monogamous or else move out, then the guy will lie about it until you catch him. And once a person starts lying about monogamy than the lies start spreading into other parts of the relationship and eventually result in a breakup.
2. Monogamy is unnatural from the biological point of view.
True. Men are supposed to bread with multiple partners. Monogamy is not supported by biology/anthropology research.
3. Monogamy is imposed by religion.
Very true. Monogamy has its purpose in that it restricts the natural behavior of a man so that a family lifestyle is possible. If open relationships were the norm, family life would be close to impossible in a straight environment because men would have multiple offspring with different women.

Open relationships in a gay environment give the following benefits:

1. Framework for honesty and open conversation.
I experienced the benefits of pure honesty with one of my boyfriends and it feels very good. To be able to express all desires to someone is actually very healthy. I remember that it was enough for me to express my wishes than to actually meet someone for sex. So the honesty actually limits the extra-marital activities in some way because you feel you are the person making the decision and not the other person imposing their views on you.
2. Opportunity to learn about each other.
Open relationships are a perfect way to start a relationship and learn about each others preferences in the bedroom and in general. True love will happen quicker if you know your partner. You will never get to know your partner if you try to impose monogamy on him. Sex is an important part of most men and the preferences vary so widely that if you try to restrict that behavior you will eventually lose that person.
3. Reduce fear of ultimatums. ( I will break up with you if you do this…or that…)
I remember when one of my bfs initially introduced monogamy. I agreed but felt like it was going to break us up. He wanted to control me rather than let me fall in love with him my own way. If a person knows that they can do anything they want – they will fall in love with you quicker.

Who is monogamy for? Monogamy was created by priests and nuns that never experienced relationships. Monogamy is not practical and poses threats to any relationship.


  1. so how open is “too” open? how many different partners? how many different times? who far does it go? Do you introduce your partner to your playmates? I have a ton of questions… how about sex at home? if you have a “play date”, do you come home and have sex with your partner?. I have never been 100% opposed to an open relationship and I don’t want to “own” anyone. I just want a committed partner that will be with me when I need him and I can be with him when he needs me. If you’re having sex with other people and going out in different directions every night, what difference is that than just being roommates that maybe sleep together?

    • Open relationships are not about having sex every day with someone else. I was in an open relationship with every boyfriend and I only hooked up a few times a year. So, its like with eating ice cream – if you know you can have it – you don’t go out and eat 3 cans a week…you eat it once a week or a few times a month.

      Just because you have the opportunity to meet another person doesn’t mean that you have to do it. In fact, when you have that opportunity and you choose not to pursue another person than its a great way to show your partner you love him. This you could call monogamy by choice and not monogamy because the other person forced you into it.

      With men especially, it is about the ego and its better to let the two people decide on their own whether they want monogamy or open relationship. Breaking up because one wants monogamy and the other wants an open relationship is a mistake, since a relationship is about learning about each other, not limiting each other. When both love one another – both will eventually limit activities that hurt the other person…but this will only happen by voluntary choice.

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