Expert Gay Coaching: How to find your purpose if you are gay and over 40

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When you find your purpose, you make more money, you have better quality relationships and you feel happier.  When you align your life around your purpose, you feel in control, your self-esteem increases and you spend time focusing on what really matters in your life instead of being distracted by random ideas and projects.

Your purpose becomes your platform for the rest of your life.

Nothing is more important than finding your purpose because every area of your life is connected to it, making it the central theme of everything you do, including finding lovers, deciding on where to live and choosing your friends.

The sooner you find your purpose, the more happiness, fullfilment and harmony shows up in your life.

The biggest challenge to finding your purpose is the coming out process, which sometime can take between 5-10 years and which causes a gay man to focus on his sexuality first, then emotional development and his personal development last.  This is where gay men differ from straight men.  A gay man will usually take much longer to find stability in his career because of the delay associated with coming out.

Why being closeted makes finding purpose difficult

When a gay man is closeted, he is spending a lot of mental energy on covering up his identity.  This means that he is not himself, he spends a lot of effort on pretending to be straight and he exerts lots of force on supressing his emotions.  Purpose is tightly connected to passion and because passion is a feeling – a gay man who supresses his feelings to other men will be cutting himself off from the building block of purpose.

Psychologically speaking, a closeted gay man cannot just selectively cut off the feeling of desire to another gay man.  When he chooses to cut off his feelings based on shame – he cuts off all feelings.  This is why many closeted gay men rarely find themselves in happy relationships and in happy careers.  Given that our emotions are guiding forces behind our choices in life, any gay man who is closeted will lack the ability to benefit from the effects of listening to his own emotions.  This means that instead of connecting his actions to his passions, he is connecting his ideas to those activities where his real identity is never exposed.

Aligning your strengths and talents

The second challenge will be to align your strengths, talents and passion towards the purpose.  Here, you can refer to the MBTI personality test for a quick solution.  Personality tests are helpful to discover your strengths, weaknesses and possible purpose.

When I first took the MBTI test, I found out that I have a talent for philosophy, which surprised me.  It took me 3 years to finally recognize my genius-like ability to think logically and solve complex psychological puzzles and aligning them into a system of rational thinking.

The good news is that every gay man has a genius-like ability that with effort can become part of his daily life and his purpose. This is why the starting point for any gay man who wants to find his purpose is to do self-reflection and self-analysis to understand his unique psychological and cognitive skills.

When you align your life around your purpose, you feel in control and your self-esteem increases.  A common benefit of knowing your purpose is that you will always have excitement in your life. Given that we spend betwen 40-50 hours working every week, when you love what you do – your purpose serves as a form of therapy. This is why most people who know their purpose are happier, healthier and successful.

So, what are you waiting for?  Do your personality test today and get started on the development of your purpose.

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