Be honest with yourself and others during this Holiday Season
Holidays are opportunities for rebuilding authentic relationships:
Did you know that for many families, years pass by and members don’t even know each other because old wounds have not been healed? Gay men especially carry with them wounds of being rejected, avoided and disappointed. It takes courage to confront your parents about the hurt, but it can be very healing and transformative to put the stop to the avoidance, pretending and blunt disrespect. Don’t let heterosexual agenda overpower you this Holiday Season.
Come out to your parents.
If you never explicitly shared with your parents that you are gay, Holidays are the best time to do that. Don’t be sidetracked by fear that you don’t want to cause any tension or pain for someone. Don’t let other people’s neglect to face the truth prevent you from sharing. You benefit immensely when you tell your parents explicitly that you are gay. Most gay men assume their parents know and they never discuss it. This is a major problem because unless you are willing to talk about your gay life with your parents, you will be unlikely to talk about other difficult topics with your future lover – perpetuating avoidance strategies about difficult subjects in your life and never having a chance to experience true intimacy and commitment. So make sure to be fully open and honest.
Share positive and loving emotions too:
Do you have someone in your life who you care about a lot? Tell him you love him even though it might make no sense. Be truthful about what you are feeling inside. Expression of emotion does not carry responsibility to get married. Holding it inside will make you numb and emotionally sterile. And you would be surprised at how great it feels to express your hidden emotions to someone via email, phone call or in person. Practice emotional expression.
Don’t be afraid to be alone during Holidays:
I have spent many Holiday Seasons alone, some by choice others by necessity. I specifically remember Thanksgiving 2013 when I decided to stay at home and fast (not eat anything all day). When I woke up the following day, I felt so emotionally free that I realized that it is the media and the commercialism of all Holidays that make people feel guilty if they don’t participate. Ever since then I have never felt pressured to participate in any event unless it was fully meaningful to me and it made sense.
So if you need to make a decision – to stay with some friends that you don’t know or stay at home by yourself – I recommend you stay at home and become comfortable with yourself! Don’t sell yourself to the commercialization and the socialization of all Holidays. Regain your power by getting more rest and enjoying the peace of mind that Holidays in solitude can provide.
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