Be courageous, take risks and let go of your rigid expectations in gay dating and gay relationships.
- Take more courage and go out of your comfort zone with gay dating.
- Bring back compassion, acceptance, surrender.
- Straight women introduced control and capture. Avoid that mindset.
- Don’t try to control your man – allow him to be who he is today.
- Give other gay men second chances no matter what happened.
- Accept medium-level toxicity from yourself and other gay men.
- Love is natural and automatic when you let go of artificiality.
- Learn about gay psychology to make dating easier.
This Valentine’s Day 2016 let’s remind ourselves about the three foundations for love: taking more risks with people, being more courageous with your actions and reducing your expectations. That formula always works because this is the Mother Nature formula for love that never fails.
If you are struggling in gay dating it is probably because you forgot about this universal principle that makes love go around. So – get to it – take more courage, take more risk and reduce your expectations and your heart will come alive.
Take more courage and go out of your comfort zone with gay dating.
Our minds can play tricks with us. Past dating failures make us rigid and overly-protective. Any negativity from the past will create rigidity and holding back. Courage is about breaking through your own cocoon of safety and allowing more opportunities for love to happen. Our expectations are based on the past and we live in the past when we are guided by what has happened in the past and what we believe worked for us – even if it didn’t ;).
Allow your love life to happen in the present and the future. The fastest way to do that is to allow yourself to be re-born again with fresh new ideas of what could be possible for you.
Bring back compassion, acceptance, surrender.
Those three master skills will guarantee deeper connections and more opportunities for practice the skills of dating. Don’t expect other gay men to be perfect – they are all struggling with different problems. Sometimes this will be visible, sometimes masked. When you are accepting and compassionate you will begin to listen to your heart instead your mind and you will begin to feel again.
Surrendering to your heart is important otherwise the mind wins and old, rigid expectations come back. This is why compassion, acceptance and surrender are so important. Your heart is wrapped inside those “soft” skills and your heart opens up wider when you practice them.
Avoid the mindset of capture-and-control the man. It’s from straight women to control their man.
It took me awhile to realize that men in general cannot be captured or controlled. Masculinity will rebel against that. The more you try to control a healthy man with a healthy masculinity – he will rebel and fight it. Women, however don’t get it – they try to capture the man regardless because they “need” the man for safety, security and resources.
Gay men can relax the drive to control and capture the man and accept him just as he is with his imperfections, insecurities and mistakes. And if you need something that you currently don’t have – just go out and create it for yourself without waiting for your lover to bring that to you.
Give other gay men second chances no matter what happened.
Most gay men have never taken courses in psychology about gay dating and relationships and so they will naturally make lots and lots of mistakes. They will say and do the wrong things and feel awkward about love most of the time. This is just the way things are. To break through the initial process of dating-resistance you will need to give your dates second and third chances so that they feel safe around you.
The perfect lover you are waiting for does not exist. You will eventually need to face the truth that whatever you want has to come from within you and the men you meet are not funnels for your own ambitions and aspirations.
Your lover can be imperfect, lacking many expectations but as long as he touches your heart – you can both grow together and make the experiences of life much more fulfilling.
Accept medium-level toxicity from yourself and other gay men.
Yes, we live in a toxic world – artificial and man-made. Love is nature. Cities are man-made. This is why gay men struggle so much in dating – we are putting up man-made barriers to a process of natural connectivity and symbiosis between us. Accepting medium-level toxicity, or as some people call it: baggage will move you into the fast-lane to love and happiness.
If you don’t like toxicity – fix it in your life, but don’t bring your expectations and controlling nature to other people. Your love life will come from the heart and not the mind. Acceptance will go a long way in ensuring that you have more opportunities to go deep with emotions and intimacy with dating and relationships – something that will never happen if your “castle” is guarded by your mind and its idealistic expectations.
Love is natural and automatic when you let go of artificiality.
Often, the reason why gay men struggle with gay dating is because of the glamorization of love and sexuality. Love is raw – it smells and sticks sometimes. Try not to introduce Hollywood or Wall Street into your gay dating expectations. Also, most gay men live outside of Paris, so try to accept that masculinity is not about six pack abs, perfect skin and perfect hair-lines.
As many of you know, I am a bear lover – most men I have fallen in love with are totally imperfect, chubby with no hair. I believe that the frequency of love in my life has fully depended on staying away from Hollywood, Wall-Street or Paris in my choices for partners.
Learn about gay psychology to make dating easier.
When you have the proper spiritual foundation of acceptance, compassion and surrender you can now focus on the skills of dating and relationships that can expedite the process of falling in love. Life is short and love is not the entire purpose of live. You have your career, your health and your big ambitions that will take time and effort to materialize. When you remove the psychological obstacles to dating you can focus more attention on the other priorities of life and feel more integrated and happy.
Often the missing link for gay men is the understanding of emotional intelligence, conflict resolution, partner selection, compatibility and sexuality that stand in the way to successful, long term relationships and marriage.