Bisexuality As Fragmented Attraction Slowing Down Gay Singularity
Bisexuality is not a sexual orientation but a broken/split sense of attraction
Bisexuality is not a sexual orientation. Virtually all bisexual men have a split attraction. Emotions go to women, sex goes to men. Such split of attraction creates dishonesty and betrayals for anyone who is involved with a bisexual man.
Here is a good question to ask: Is it a good thing when a person’s attraction is split into half? Is it an advantage or a disadvantage when a man wants to have sex with different genders? In this podcast you will discover that attraction, just like personality can be split and disfunctional. This is exactly what happens in bisexual men. Their attraction has been cut in half to fit into a shamed context of relatedness, which has been programmed by their parents, friends, religion and lack of healthy definitions/meaning for gay life.
Attraction is not random
Attraction is a critically important psycho-social sense that pulls us towards some people and pushes us away from others based on patterns of pleasure-pain experiences from the past. Attraction serves a deeper purpose of alignment and fulfillment, without which we would be permanently unhappy and fragmented. Attraction pulls us towards some people and repells us from others based on our previous experiences and unconscious beliefs. This is a good thing. When we align our emotional, mental and physical needs, we have a healthy attraction. When our emotional, mental and physical needs are spread across different partners – we have a fragmented sense of attraction. This is what bisexuality is.
To understand why the discussion about bisexuality is important, we want to take a look at a concept of Gay Singularity. Because gay men grow up and live in mostly heterosexual environments, the purity of gay experience is rarely experienced. This is why gay life has increased complexity that makes gay men confused and overwhelmed.
Gay Singularity is a moment in a gay man’s life when he no longer wants to be involved with those gay men who are dealing with sexual incompletions, identity crisis and gender confusion. Gay Singularity is a decision to no longer participate in a world of misunderstandings and turmoil caused by those misunderstandings.
When we are around people who are still dealing with identity crisis or sexual incompletions – they will use us to resolve their disfunctional patterns. This creates neglect, abandonment and disrespect. When extended over a decade, this often leads to poor self-esteem and chronic depression.
Once a gay men reaches singularity – his attention is focused on eliminating all aspects of disfunction that was present in his “previous” life and interacting ONLY with those gay men who are available emotionally, mentally and spiritually. The presence of bisexual men would introduce a return of neglect, abandonment and disrespect and send a gay man back into his patterns of anxiety and confusion.
Why important and relevant
The primary factor for the hypothesis that bisexual men have fragmented attraction and hence are highly disfunctional is the notion that being attracted to only one gender is a tool for survival – it gives us the ability to truly connect and understand the other person. The amount of information to receive and to understand with just one gender is massive and takes a long long time. Some people live with their spouse for 40 years and still find out new things about them.
I argue that there is not enough time in a single lifetime to be able to understand multiple genders to a degree of fulfillment and happiness. This is why bisexuality cannot be an original design from human attraction. What good does it do to a person, to spend half his time with a woman and half of his time with a man. Only superficial understanding of both genders is possible and hence a limited ability to connect to either one.
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