I do get it – it feels so much better. I have done it before too with my boyfriends and frankly with my hookups too a few times. I am not a saint, you know, and I have sex cycles too.
It doesn’t matter if you are the top or the bottom – in both cases, barebacking is an addiction that works just like heroin – it is not just physical – it is emotional and psychological. This is why it is so difficult for many to stop. But there are a few techniques that you can use to stay HIV neg and reduce/eliminate barebacking.
1. Admit to yourself that you are out of control.
This is an important one. As a man you have urges that are beyond your control. Your desire to have sex is so powerful that there is nothing that can stop you unless you understand your own personality and your own “sexual self”. The forces that take control of you are subconscious and you are not aware of them until after the fact. The mother mature is built into us behaviors that destroy the conventional relationships, but that played a very important part of our living 10,000 years ago. Those behaviors are still in us and are very difficult to control.
2. Once you admit that you are out of control – build a fence around your sex life.
Okay – now that you know you might be out of control – limit the circumstances and the quality of partners that enter your bedroom or “stall” or wherever it is you do it… Be more selective and stick to it. At this level I am not suggesting you stop sex – all I want you to do is to stick to three main criteria for selecting your partners. This could be their sexual behaviors, their desire to stay anonymous or their request for unprotected sex.
Here are the few things to pay attention to:
based on research -gay men who smoke are 50% more likely to engage in unprotected sex and be Hiv poz…so meeting guys who smoke in general – puts you at more risk.
men who are into “wild” sex are also more likely to be hiv poz and put you in more risk.
Meeting people from craigslist is also more dangerous.
So what should you do? My advice is for you to meet only those people who are willing to exchange personal information, and who you would consider seeing again. If someone wants NSA sex, then there must be a reason for it. NSA is an equivalent for “I am hiv poz but lets not talk about it and lets not use condoms”.
3. Scare the shit out of yourself by pretending you are HIV POZ and what you would do.
One of the biggest awakening for me was about 8 years ago after having unprotected sex and learning that the person lied about his status. I thought I would be poz and then that if I were poz, i wouldn’t care about others getting it and that If I got it and the person lied to me that I would lie too.
It was a very interesting feeling I had. I turned out to be okay but the feeling scared me. I realized that there are people out there who lie and who care less about someone else’s health.
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