Forgiveness and responsibility are the basics of “moving on” and are the foundation for lifelong learning. However, as a gay man over 40, when you forgive others too quickly, without assigning responsibility for their role in your conflict, you are bound to repeat the same mistakes in the future.
Most problems with gay relationships and gay dating start with “moving on” too fast, without clarity about who was responsible for which part of the conflict. Without addressing responsibility, logical connections between events, individuals and their roles in the conflict are never made and the insights are hidden behind the clout of forgiveness. Those insights are never learned so that future conflicts can be prevented.
Gay men must remember that forgiveness is ONLY a spiritual process and not a tool of learning. To avoid repeating the same mistakes in gay dating and relationships, a gay man must connect the dots between situations, people and their roles, assign proper responsibility AND THEN forgive.