Align Sexuality And Attraction For Success In Gay Relationships And Life
Make sex and attraction work for you:
To succeed in life, gay men need role models, guidance and opinions from others who have achieved love, success and happiness. Unfortunately, most gay men don’t have role models to follow and so don’t really have specific instructions for how to live their lives and they end up sidetracked by sexuality and attraction for too many years.
Success in gay life and long term gay relationships is difficult when your choices for lovers are guided mostly by attraction and sexuality. You might get away with it initially, but sooner or later good sex and beauty will not be enough to make life work, given the responsibilities and complexities of daily existence.
You will need a partnership-type relationship based on shared values, shared understanding, and commitment to growth.
In this video and article, I will share with you practical ideas for how to align your sexuality and attraction so that you can move to the next level of your life and receive pleasure from choices for partners based on shared values instead of sexuality and attraction.
The myth of static attraction and sexuality:
The biggest myth related to sexuality and attraction is that our preferences will remain static. Some people believe that if at 25 they are attracted to a thin person that for the rest of their lives they will remain attracted to a thin person and no one else.
In reality, attraction is fluid and changes often. The best way to understand the fluid nature of attraction is to bring awareness to the very nature of attraction: that attraction has a survival function in human bonding. We are designed to be attracted to those men who make our lives better. This is the bottom line for how attraction works.
Psychologically speaking – it all starts with our values and with character. Every time you interact with a man, whose character and values are on display, you can have a response that is either pleasurable or not.
If a certain type of a man consistently makes you feel comfortable, understood, cared for – you develop attraction to that man. This is how attraction keeps adapting itself to new men as we get older.
The obstacle to flexible attraction and sexuality:
The challenge is that most gay men do not have enough social experiences in their lives during which they have a chance to develop pleasure from observing the character traits of success, love and happiness.
Over time, while living outside of “those” traits – the pleasure circuitry in the mind gets stunned and remains focused on simplistic patterns for pleasure – especially those that are automatic – sex and attraction.
To develop a fluid attraction (and to have a wider range of men to choose lovers from) gay men must put more emphasis on frequent conversations and interactions with men who exemplify important and necessary values to upgrade the pleasure-response circuitry and allow for new sources for attraction and sexuality.
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