Welcome to my website – a place where you can empower yourself with knowledge and wisdom about gay life that is difficult to find elsewhere.
Before I became a relationship coach, I was a young and a naive man looking for love in the wrong places and hoping that someday a man would sweep me off my feet and that I would get married.
Instead, I was dealt a series of events that tested my abilities of survival, strength and resilience. It was a difficult journey, but with a good ending.
Two events in my 30’s changed my life. The first one was a personal bankruptcy at 31 that came after years of difficult relationships and emotional struggles in my 20’s.
Before the bankruptcy, it never crossed my mind that bad relationships can have such a negative effect on my finances. For some reason I was blind to see the connection between messy relationships and a messy state of mind.
But the bankruptcy was not painful enough for me to change. I was too young to feel the urgency to change – I thought that I would somehow figure things out – that my career would improve, and I would find the “right” partner.
So life continued as usual and nothing changed. I was in a codependent relationship with a man I didn’t love, living from moment to moment, struggling to make ends meet and pretending everything was fine.
A few years passed and at 33 another surprise happened. One day during an evening walk, I was assaulted at gun point. Everything changed…
I will never forget the sensation of the possibility of death – as I tried running away knowing they had a gun and at any time could shoot me. Sometimes I still think about it.
The accident taught me to cherish every day, every opportunity and every person who comes into my life. And when I make mistakes, I go back to the accident and remind myself about how short and precious life is.
But the real awakening came in the months after the accident – during moments of self-reflection as I was healing from the attack.
I saw the neglect and the avoidance that lasted over a decade. I saw that 10 years of my life were lost… and for the first time I felt the need for a radical change.
So I woke up from being a “drifter” and stopped pretending that my life was okay. I saw that I was playing games with money, sex and relationships and that I didn’t take my life seriously. It was a big shock for me to see that nobody cared to point it out to me – that none of my boyfriends or friends cared to tell me that I was lost all those years.
That is when I decided to end all dysfunctional habits, to step out of denial and to see the stories that kept me from making progress. I ended my relationship, ended all friendships with men who were drifters and I embarked on a personal development journey – studying psychology, business, health and relationships. This is how I became a coach.
And I keep changing and learning every day.
After a few years of learning, I launched a coaching business, met the love of my life and rebuilt my career. 2017/2018/2019 were the most magical period of my life, spending lots of time with Frank in the mountains and going deep into the space of romantic love. Marriage and life-long commitment are on the horizon and I have never felt more ready.
You too can succeed in relationships, meet your future husband and get married. And you don’t need to wait for an accident or a major crisis to reveal the need for authentic relationships and stability.
You just need to take an honest look at your life and realize the impact that relationships have on your success and not be afraid to take corrective action.
This is why I am inviting you to make the decision to make relationships your #1 priority and to go on a journey of self-discovery and growth.
Everything that I have learned over the past 10 years about gay relationships has gone into the design of the Big Gay Family Social Program to help every member make his relationship dreams come true.
I hope to see you there,
May 1, 2019
By 2018, Paul has spent over 9,000 hours coaching gay professionals. With over 600 publicly available videos on YouTube and social media, Paul is the world’s leader in educating gay men about gay relationships and gay sexuality.
After coaching for many years, Paul put together courses that show gay men patterns of behavior that lead to successful relationships. These best practices are available inside courses about gay compatibility, sexuality and bonding.
Paul is the founder of the Big Gay Family Social Program that includes introductions, video courses and personal coaching.
Paul came out at the age of 19 and experienced gay relationships and friendships while living in popular gay locations of: Chicago, New York, Fort Lauderdale, Miami and Denver.
Paul met Frank in 2010 and continues to build a strong and authentic relationship with him despite challenges, broken hearts and mistakes. Relationship with Frank has given Paul a playground to test his ideas about sexuality, communication and bonding.
Create a Big Vision and raise above self-doubt. Practice courage daily. Remove distractions and don’t let others stop you from dreaming big ideas.
Immerse yourself in spiritual practices so that you are strong, clear and grounded. Stay present to all obstacles without fear and self-doubt.
Be A Leader
Don’t be afraid of life. Quiet down so that you can hear your inner voice. Listen to it! Create your own context. Do the difficult thing with excellence.
Have you been to the mountains lately?
For me, mountains have become my second home. I love hiking at night with lights clipped to my forehead. Periodically I sit down on the ground in the deep forrest and turn the lights off and feel the vibrations of nature in total darkness.
Frank is amazing, despite losing his mom last year and his father this year. We are having the best time of our lives hiking tall mountains, visiting cabins, trails, caves and hot tubs. One fascinating part about hiking in late summer is the amount of mushrooms growing on the ground in the forests. If you are a mushroom lover, summer and fall hikes in Colorado are a must.
Denver and Boulder have a thriving Sufi community. I was originally introduced to the Sufi teachings by Ina Lee from Fort Lauderdale. After 8 years of practicing Sufi meditations, I am a regular visitor at Boulder and Denver Sufi gatherings.
Sufi Zikr dance is in my opinion one of the most powerful experiential practice for reconnecting with a sense of inner-being and love – especially for gay men who have issues with intimacy and closeness. Sufi teachings have become an important part of my life, giving me lots of new ideas for coaching programs and philosophical introspection.
Thanks for reading, enjoy the blog and videos.
Your friend & coach,
BIG GAY FAMILY TESTIMONIALS
“Big Gay Family is a perfect substitute to gay bars, online dating and short term relationships. I have been looking for this type of service for years. Today, I am not on any websites, I don’t meet men at bars and I no longer have to worry about friends and lovers. Big Gay Family gives me introductions every month and I can finally relax and focus on my career and business.”
Steve from New York
“I joined Big Gay Family because I was tired of the games and rejections and disrespect from online dating and meeting shallow people. Big Gay Family protects me from men who are not ready for a relationship and who are not mature enough for commitment. I am very pleased with the services offered by Big Gay Family Social Program.”
Jim from Miami